“…her little hummingbird heartbeat reverberated through my whole world.” is the purest sentence I’ve read today. Anyone who has been there can relate. Just magical.
You think you got it bad? I'm a poet. Still, when I think about the art which has moved me the most, experiencing it feels like co-creating a bridge between the artist and myself. It's just the two of us, together, making something totally unique, and it's given me a mantra when thinking about my own writing and whether or not I succeed in being read: "I'm not trying to change the world; I'm trying to change a life."
Recently, another Substack author posted in Notes about her “sniff test” for her fiction: She imagines one of her high school bullies reading it. If the bully can’t help taking it seriously, it’s good; if the bully laughs at it, it’s bad writing.
I think it’s an abysmal standard which preemptively caves to the bad values of bad people. If you write for those people, your writing will have bad values. Instead you should promulgate the good, the best values you can write about, so your writing inspires good people, so it’s a refuge for them when the world is battering them and trying to make them give their values up.
And I see your argument here the same way, Lincoln. Screw the popular slop. Make real art for people who appreciate it, or just make it for yourself.
"The art I cared about and immersed myself in was my own little raft. My place to be alone." This stands out to me, not just because it's where the title of this essay comes from, but because of how sharply it contrasts with the passages at the beginning (when you talk about your friend Chloe and the way the two of you mutually support each other's writing) and the end (when you imagine sharing the poem you wrote about your daughter's heartbeat with her one day). In practice, in adulthood, it sounds a lot more like you see art as communication than voluntary isolation -- not communication with *everyone*, but communication with kindred spirits. So maybe still a raft, but a raft with its own tiny crew. And in order to assemble that crew for yourself, you've taken a lot of deliberate steps to connect with others beyond just writing your fiction: social media and this blog are a couple of obvious examples, but I get the impression your offline life involves a lot of time in what, for lack of a better term, I'll call the literary world too.
To be clear, I find it super impressive that you've been able to do this! I also love how you even dramatize and fictionalize writerly friendships in Metallic Realms. This aspect of your life is obviously a productive and nourishing source of inspiration for you.
But, as I've struggled with the feeling of futility around my own writing for the last several years, I haven't found it reassuring or encouraging to mentally reframe it as just writing for myself, as you mostly do in the body of this essay. If it's just for me, the fiction might as well just be a daydream I have while doing something others will appreciate, like cleaning the apartment or baking a pie... or maybe I should just expend similar energy reading and responding at length to the work of my students. (And I don't even have the much realer responsibilities of in-home child or elder care as competition for my time!) It's only when I do feel like the story in question will matter to someone, someday, that I feel nudged to work on it.
I think it would be interesting for you to write about how you've cultivated literary community and what you prioritize in that sphere, because for a lot of writers -- I was going to say young or early career but this 100% applies to me and I am neither of those things -- it can be easy to go to an all or nothing place: either I'm writing just for me or I'm writing because it will finally break me from the prison of my solitude (through sales and fame, maybe, but also respect, engagement, truly being understood, hetc.). The truth of it, of course, is always going to be a lot muddier and more complicated.
I like the idea of talking about community more. That does feel very important as a creator, and not something I write about much here.
I do feel that when I was growing up the art I enjoyed as a reader/watcher/listener was a very solitary thing, at least for me. Especially when it comes to literature. I mostly read books no one else I knew was reading, and social media didn't exist at the time. It was entirely for myself. (Music became a somewhat more communal thing when I was a teenager with the ability to drive to concerts. But before that....) I really did feel it was my own little island or raft from my surroundings. If there was communication, it was with authors long dead or living in other countries or times and places.
Creating is a different story. I do enjoy creating for myself at times, but largely I think you're right that for me it is normally "not communication with *everyone*, but communication with kindred spirits." And this is somewhat what I meant by not worrying about what EVERYONE is reading/watching/whatever or what is most popular. If money and healthcare and the rest were no concern, I would prefer to have 100 kindred spirits connect to work that feels unique to me than to have 500 people whose tastes I dislike buy a book that meant nothing to me.
There is definitely a question of balance here I think. If you go with connecting to the most people, then why write novels at all much less short stories or poetry? You will only ever connect with a small number of people with poems and stories, you know? There isn't even the fantasy lottery promise of a bestseller there. OTOH, we all--and I certainly include myself--need some amount of external validation and connection and community or at least communication with others.
Yeah, imo reading is never really "being alone" because you're inviting another person inside of your mind. They might be majorly distant from you in time and/or geography, and sometimes that's a relief, especially if you hate where you're living and most of the people you know, which was true for me as a teenager too... But there is a feeling of vibing with *someone.* I think that's why a lot of lonely people become readers.
And, for me at least, it was part of why I wanted to be a writer too: because I wanted to be on the other side of that relationship as well. So when you write that "the joy in being an artist must be in making the art, even if no one else even sees it," it feels off to me. When that dream of the work connecting with someone feels really, truly dead, the impulse to create mostly dies too (if only in my own experience, but that's all I can speak to obviously).
That said, I do think your point about not competing for the same audience or the same kind of attention and engagement as slop is a strong one, and something I want to think about more in a genre context -- since I am interested in using pop/low culture forms toward different ends.
Yes my own goofy metaphor is that literature is like a party in a grand ballroom stretching through time and writing or reading is participating in that conversation. (Genres and styles and traditions are like side conversations within that party.) The communion with other minds is very real, although I think (for me at least) the isolation from other things in your life and society are also real.
The part you quote is maybe overstated. I should probably say A joy instead of THE joy. (Might make that edit :P) I do think you can only enjoy a career in arts IF you do enjoy the creation part too. You know? Even if it is self-deception, I think we have to trick ourselves into thinking that way to some degree. I don't ignore the business side of publishing but I do try to separate it from the artistic side when I'm creating as much as possible. Which is not 100%. But as much as possible.
I think what you and I and many people found through this sort of voluntary isolation of art discovery is that these are the things that made us feel *less* alone growing up. I remember how is was simultaneously a comfort and horror to feel that the only people who could understand me died a century ago. It obviously wasn't true, but it very much felt that way!
And I do think the creation of art, even if you never attempt to sell it, is an act of communication, even if you're only attempting to communicate with those long dead or those who will never see/hear it.
> The art I cared about and immersed myself in was my own little raft. My place to be alone.
Completely agree with everything here! But I think it is becoming so much harder for new generations because they consume a lot of their art on public forums with like counts and opinions next to them. They never get to build their own raft! 😕
I didn't want to get too much into old man yelling at clouds territory, but I did cut a few paragraphs about that. I agree with you. I'm not saying everything is worse now, but the way social media forces us all to compete for the same likes and shares on the same corporate owned platforms has had some bad outcomes...
Indeed! Dunno if you've read Byung chul Han on the subject, but he has an essay called (I think) the Tyranny of the Like button in his book Psychopolitics, where he explains how democratizing the idea of good or best art has destroyed how we like what we like.
We see this with things like reddit and rotten tomatoes as well.
It's hard to voice publicly that you like or dislike something when that opinion pushes you out of the mainstream or whatever niche community you're in.
I think a bigger part is that if someone posts something online, it follows them around forever as well. You hear stories of young people no longer dancing at concerts out of fear that they'll be filmed by their peers and publicly humiliated.
How much worse to share your poems or stories or artwork when you're sixteen!
I felt VERY lucky to published all my early work in print mags before web fiction really took over. The internet existed then but most magazines stayed print only for a while.
I forgot until just now, but I think my very first publication was at my university's magazine. I'm almost afraid to track that down and see what it was, haha
I took an online class with John Cameron Mitchell over the weekend and he referenced this in an offhand sort of way - that if he was coming up today he probably would’ve posted the first performance he ever did as Hedwig, which he said was terrible and people would’ve hated and he never would’ve stuck with it long enough to complete the whole work of developing it.
First of all, congratulations! I hope your wife and daughter are recovering and are healthy.
Second, Amen. My raft may not be the Kon-Tiki, but it's afloat.
I had a delightful evening last Thursday at the UK's smallest cinema in Lynton (68 setas). It was showing 'The Ballad of Wallis Island.' As far away from multiplex reboots of old franchises as you can get: figuratively and literally.
Everyone enjoyed the shared experience. There is light ahead, we just have to share it.
This is great, thank you for writing it! One wrinkle that's outside the realm of what you discuss here is that many of the artists creating their own Guernicas are paying the rent with those Exxon Mobil logo projects. As a midlist author with a day job in marketing, that's definitely the part keeping me up at night. (Although so far, there seems to be a similar split in corporate work too, with certain clients looking for work that does have that more human feel.) Anyway, this is a beautiful reminder to keep making stuff we love regardless.
Thank you, and believe me it is the same for me. I did have a paragraph about that I deleted (perhaps shouldn't have) but for a long time I paid my rent with marketing copy, ghostwriting, and pop culture news items. Definitely not looking down on anyone doing anything to pay rent.
I’m happy to read this. For me, it’s mostly a reflection of my experience. I appreciate the reinforcement. Your tip on separating the writing and the business is worth highlighting. Once you can see the difference, it’s easier to wade through all the garbage advice in this field to find the gems. And also, just to keep your eyes on the prize: the final manuscript of a work that matters to someone, even if that someone is the author.
Congratulations on your new “bundle of joy.” How exciting, to see the world through your child’s eyes is to see a new world of wonder. Enjoy!
You got me at “Everything sucks after their first EP!” since I just produced my son's band and their EP came out GREAT ... now I and they are TERRIFIED! Anyhow = thank you for writing this and since I can not post any comment without referencing "Infinite Jest" let me just say that Wallace who poured his soul into IJ would also not want us to stop creating, for ourselves, for our community, to enjoy - like Mario - our own creations with or without praise of others.
I love the things you say. Oh, and congratulations on your little girl. You think you know, but you cannot yet, how she will open up your world. But here is my problem, yes, I want to make something beautiful and true to me. Yes, I work on it every day for years, taking workshops, getting an MFA, etc. But given the vagaries of publishing, if it isn't published, how do I know if it is lousy and I should try something else, or if it's worthwhile and I should keep tryin?
Thank you! And yes there are no easy answers here. Part of the reason I say you have to love doing the work is because you just can never know how it will do out in the world. Even if it is published, it may not sell well or get bad reviews. Etc. Writing is definitely not an easy path. No artistic path is probably. I do believe that if your work is good and you keep at it, you can normally find an audience. But it certainly isn't easy and it can be miserable if you don't enjoy the process.
(I realize all this may seem easy for me to say as someone who has had moderate success in publishing, but FWIW when I started this substack in early 2021 the only book I'd ever published in ~16 years of seriously writing was a short story collection on a small press for a small 3k advance. I'd had novels rejected on submission from every publisher that will never see the light of day. Etc. So I do remember what it was like to be writing and think "what is the point?")
“…her little hummingbird heartbeat reverberated through my whole world.” is the purest sentence I’ve read today. Anyone who has been there can relate. Just magical.
Thank you!
You think you got it bad? I'm a poet. Still, when I think about the art which has moved me the most, experiencing it feels like co-creating a bridge between the artist and myself. It's just the two of us, together, making something totally unique, and it's given me a mantra when thinking about my own writing and whether or not I succeed in being read: "I'm not trying to change the world; I'm trying to change a life."
This is so smart and so good and generous and I'm so glad I pay for this substack!
A welcome reminder!
Recently, another Substack author posted in Notes about her “sniff test” for her fiction: She imagines one of her high school bullies reading it. If the bully can’t help taking it seriously, it’s good; if the bully laughs at it, it’s bad writing.
I think it’s an abysmal standard which preemptively caves to the bad values of bad people. If you write for those people, your writing will have bad values. Instead you should promulgate the good, the best values you can write about, so your writing inspires good people, so it’s a refuge for them when the world is battering them and trying to make them give their values up.
And I see your argument here the same way, Lincoln. Screw the popular slop. Make real art for people who appreciate it, or just make it for yourself.
"The art I cared about and immersed myself in was my own little raft. My place to be alone." This stands out to me, not just because it's where the title of this essay comes from, but because of how sharply it contrasts with the passages at the beginning (when you talk about your friend Chloe and the way the two of you mutually support each other's writing) and the end (when you imagine sharing the poem you wrote about your daughter's heartbeat with her one day). In practice, in adulthood, it sounds a lot more like you see art as communication than voluntary isolation -- not communication with *everyone*, but communication with kindred spirits. So maybe still a raft, but a raft with its own tiny crew. And in order to assemble that crew for yourself, you've taken a lot of deliberate steps to connect with others beyond just writing your fiction: social media and this blog are a couple of obvious examples, but I get the impression your offline life involves a lot of time in what, for lack of a better term, I'll call the literary world too.
To be clear, I find it super impressive that you've been able to do this! I also love how you even dramatize and fictionalize writerly friendships in Metallic Realms. This aspect of your life is obviously a productive and nourishing source of inspiration for you.
But, as I've struggled with the feeling of futility around my own writing for the last several years, I haven't found it reassuring or encouraging to mentally reframe it as just writing for myself, as you mostly do in the body of this essay. If it's just for me, the fiction might as well just be a daydream I have while doing something others will appreciate, like cleaning the apartment or baking a pie... or maybe I should just expend similar energy reading and responding at length to the work of my students. (And I don't even have the much realer responsibilities of in-home child or elder care as competition for my time!) It's only when I do feel like the story in question will matter to someone, someday, that I feel nudged to work on it.
I think it would be interesting for you to write about how you've cultivated literary community and what you prioritize in that sphere, because for a lot of writers -- I was going to say young or early career but this 100% applies to me and I am neither of those things -- it can be easy to go to an all or nothing place: either I'm writing just for me or I'm writing because it will finally break me from the prison of my solitude (through sales and fame, maybe, but also respect, engagement, truly being understood, hetc.). The truth of it, of course, is always going to be a lot muddier and more complicated.
I like the idea of talking about community more. That does feel very important as a creator, and not something I write about much here.
I do feel that when I was growing up the art I enjoyed as a reader/watcher/listener was a very solitary thing, at least for me. Especially when it comes to literature. I mostly read books no one else I knew was reading, and social media didn't exist at the time. It was entirely for myself. (Music became a somewhat more communal thing when I was a teenager with the ability to drive to concerts. But before that....) I really did feel it was my own little island or raft from my surroundings. If there was communication, it was with authors long dead or living in other countries or times and places.
Creating is a different story. I do enjoy creating for myself at times, but largely I think you're right that for me it is normally "not communication with *everyone*, but communication with kindred spirits." And this is somewhat what I meant by not worrying about what EVERYONE is reading/watching/whatever or what is most popular. If money and healthcare and the rest were no concern, I would prefer to have 100 kindred spirits connect to work that feels unique to me than to have 500 people whose tastes I dislike buy a book that meant nothing to me.
There is definitely a question of balance here I think. If you go with connecting to the most people, then why write novels at all much less short stories or poetry? You will only ever connect with a small number of people with poems and stories, you know? There isn't even the fantasy lottery promise of a bestseller there. OTOH, we all--and I certainly include myself--need some amount of external validation and connection and community or at least communication with others.
Yeah, imo reading is never really "being alone" because you're inviting another person inside of your mind. They might be majorly distant from you in time and/or geography, and sometimes that's a relief, especially if you hate where you're living and most of the people you know, which was true for me as a teenager too... But there is a feeling of vibing with *someone.* I think that's why a lot of lonely people become readers.
And, for me at least, it was part of why I wanted to be a writer too: because I wanted to be on the other side of that relationship as well. So when you write that "the joy in being an artist must be in making the art, even if no one else even sees it," it feels off to me. When that dream of the work connecting with someone feels really, truly dead, the impulse to create mostly dies too (if only in my own experience, but that's all I can speak to obviously).
That said, I do think your point about not competing for the same audience or the same kind of attention and engagement as slop is a strong one, and something I want to think about more in a genre context -- since I am interested in using pop/low culture forms toward different ends.
Yes my own goofy metaphor is that literature is like a party in a grand ballroom stretching through time and writing or reading is participating in that conversation. (Genres and styles and traditions are like side conversations within that party.) The communion with other minds is very real, although I think (for me at least) the isolation from other things in your life and society are also real.
The part you quote is maybe overstated. I should probably say A joy instead of THE joy. (Might make that edit :P) I do think you can only enjoy a career in arts IF you do enjoy the creation part too. You know? Even if it is self-deception, I think we have to trick ourselves into thinking that way to some degree. I don't ignore the business side of publishing but I do try to separate it from the artistic side when I'm creating as much as possible. Which is not 100%. But as much as possible.
I think what you and I and many people found through this sort of voluntary isolation of art discovery is that these are the things that made us feel *less* alone growing up. I remember how is was simultaneously a comfort and horror to feel that the only people who could understand me died a century ago. It obviously wasn't true, but it very much felt that way!
And I do think the creation of art, even if you never attempt to sell it, is an act of communication, even if you're only attempting to communicate with those long dead or those who will never see/hear it.
> The art I cared about and immersed myself in was my own little raft. My place to be alone.
Completely agree with everything here! But I think it is becoming so much harder for new generations because they consume a lot of their art on public forums with like counts and opinions next to them. They never get to build their own raft! 😕
I didn't want to get too much into old man yelling at clouds territory, but I did cut a few paragraphs about that. I agree with you. I'm not saying everything is worse now, but the way social media forces us all to compete for the same likes and shares on the same corporate owned platforms has had some bad outcomes...
Indeed! Dunno if you've read Byung chul Han on the subject, but he has an essay called (I think) the Tyranny of the Like button in his book Psychopolitics, where he explains how democratizing the idea of good or best art has destroyed how we like what we like.
We see this with things like reddit and rotten tomatoes as well.
It's hard to voice publicly that you like or dislike something when that opinion pushes you out of the mainstream or whatever niche community you're in.
I think this is one of the worst things caused by social media. People are no longer to just quietly be wrong or try weird things without judgment.
Yep, the pop-mainstream is eradicating the space for the weird.
I think a bigger part is that if someone posts something online, it follows them around forever as well. You hear stories of young people no longer dancing at concerts out of fear that they'll be filmed by their peers and publicly humiliated.
How much worse to share your poems or stories or artwork when you're sixteen!
I felt VERY lucky to published all my early work in print mags before web fiction really took over. The internet existed then but most magazines stayed print only for a while.
I forgot until just now, but I think my very first publication was at my university's magazine. I'm almost afraid to track that down and see what it was, haha
I took an online class with John Cameron Mitchell over the weekend and he referenced this in an offhand sort of way - that if he was coming up today he probably would’ve posted the first performance he ever did as Hedwig, which he said was terrible and people would’ve hated and he never would’ve stuck with it long enough to complete the whole work of developing it.
Congrats on your kid!
First of all, congratulations! I hope your wife and daughter are recovering and are healthy.
Second, Amen. My raft may not be the Kon-Tiki, but it's afloat.
I had a delightful evening last Thursday at the UK's smallest cinema in Lynton (68 setas). It was showing 'The Ballad of Wallis Island.' As far away from multiplex reboots of old franchises as you can get: figuratively and literally.
Everyone enjoyed the shared experience. There is light ahead, we just have to share it.
Thank you!
Thanks, Lincoln, for the necessary reminder. This is beautiful.
Thank you!
A very thoughtful and inspiring meditation on the subject - struck a chord with me.
Gorgeous post. Agree 100%. Lately I've been thinking, "why the hell should I bother?" This gave me hope. Thank you.
This is great, thank you for writing it! One wrinkle that's outside the realm of what you discuss here is that many of the artists creating their own Guernicas are paying the rent with those Exxon Mobil logo projects. As a midlist author with a day job in marketing, that's definitely the part keeping me up at night. (Although so far, there seems to be a similar split in corporate work too, with certain clients looking for work that does have that more human feel.) Anyway, this is a beautiful reminder to keep making stuff we love regardless.
Thank you, and believe me it is the same for me. I did have a paragraph about that I deleted (perhaps shouldn't have) but for a long time I paid my rent with marketing copy, ghostwriting, and pop culture news items. Definitely not looking down on anyone doing anything to pay rent.
It's a whole other topic, so that totally makes sense! :)
I’m happy to read this. For me, it’s mostly a reflection of my experience. I appreciate the reinforcement. Your tip on separating the writing and the business is worth highlighting. Once you can see the difference, it’s easier to wade through all the garbage advice in this field to find the gems. And also, just to keep your eyes on the prize: the final manuscript of a work that matters to someone, even if that someone is the author.
Congratulations on your new “bundle of joy.” How exciting, to see the world through your child’s eyes is to see a new world of wonder. Enjoy!
You got me at “Everything sucks after their first EP!” since I just produced my son's band and their EP came out GREAT ... now I and they are TERRIFIED! Anyhow = thank you for writing this and since I can not post any comment without referencing "Infinite Jest" let me just say that Wallace who poured his soul into IJ would also not want us to stop creating, for ourselves, for our community, to enjoy - like Mario - our own creations with or without praise of others.
Always good to remember. But I liked your first EP better
I love the things you say. Oh, and congratulations on your little girl. You think you know, but you cannot yet, how she will open up your world. But here is my problem, yes, I want to make something beautiful and true to me. Yes, I work on it every day for years, taking workshops, getting an MFA, etc. But given the vagaries of publishing, if it isn't published, how do I know if it is lousy and I should try something else, or if it's worthwhile and I should keep tryin?
Thank you! And yes there are no easy answers here. Part of the reason I say you have to love doing the work is because you just can never know how it will do out in the world. Even if it is published, it may not sell well or get bad reviews. Etc. Writing is definitely not an easy path. No artistic path is probably. I do believe that if your work is good and you keep at it, you can normally find an audience. But it certainly isn't easy and it can be miserable if you don't enjoy the process.
(I realize all this may seem easy for me to say as someone who has had moderate success in publishing, but FWIW when I started this substack in early 2021 the only book I'd ever published in ~16 years of seriously writing was a short story collection on a small press for a small 3k advance. I'd had novels rejected on submission from every publisher that will never see the light of day. Etc. So I do remember what it was like to be writing and think "what is the point?")